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First, I will not claim to be an expert in Colleen Hoover’s bookography (is that a word?). I’ve only read three of her books: It Ends with Us, Verity, and November 9. I honestly wasn’t even familiar with her until maybe 2020, when I found myself spending more time on Goodreads in the midst of the pandemic. But since immersing myself in the bookstagram and booktok corners of the internet, it has become very apparent that the particular author really divides a room. And it’s very black and white – you live for her books and have read every one OR you read one and decided it was unforgivably problematic and antifeminist and you will never read her again and shame on the people who do.
I think this conversation is deserving of a bit more nuance, which is something we seem to have lost sight of because here’s the thing – there are many things we’ve loved over the course of our lives that are wildly problematic by today’s standards. But you still love them and remember them fondly.
Let’s talk about It Ends with Us. It’s a story about a girl who grew up in an abusive home where she witnessed her father being physically violent toward her mother many times. She befriends and ultimately develops a romantic relationship with a homeless boy squatting in the abandoned home next door. Her dad finds out and beats the crap out of the boy, and he ultimately disappears from her life when he moves away.
The girl grows up, meets a man (more importantly, HOT man who is a DOCTOR because that is an irresistible combination for any woman), and has a whirlwind, passion-filled relationship, they marry fast, and it turns out he has childhood trauma and – surprise – she has found herself in her very own abusive relationship, perpetuating the toxic cycle that started in her childhood. She goes back and forth about leaving this man after several assaults, including attempted rape, and eventually, she does leave him.
Let me back up – at this point, she has coincidentally run into her childhood love who has become a successful restaurateur and owns a local restaurant, and he spots the signs of her abuse. She denies it and he tells her to call him if she’s in trouble. The husband is JEALOUS and thrown into a fit of rage when he finds out about his wife’s history with this chef at a local restaurant.
When the girl leaves her abusive huz, she seeks shelter with her childhood companion. Oh, and she has discovered she is pregnant but does not tell her husband for several months. When her husband discovers her pregnancy, he begs her to give him another chance. She considers and ultimately asks for a divorce when their daughter is born by saying something along the lines of, “How would you feel if your daughter grew up and someone hit her?” He resigns himself to admitting he would want his daughter to leave that guy. They get divorced, he’s a great dad who still just gets to be a dad. She starts a relationship with her childhood love, they live happily ever after (I assume – there’s another book that I haven’t read). The End.
The complaints about this book are passionate and valid. She sympathizes with the abuser by bringing his own trauma into the story, and when all is said and done, there are really no consequences for his behavior. He gets divorced and still is able to see his child UNSUPERVISED. Not to mention, the graphic descriptions of abuse are severely retraumatizing for those who have experienced abusive relationships.
That said, I devoured this book. I found it gripping and entertaining, and I stayed up late to finish it. I was sort of tricked into believing it was good and that the ending was happy with an amicable divorce and healthy co-parenting.
How about Verity? To be honest, I don’t have much to say about this because it’s weird and fucked up, which is kind of my jam. I liked it, BUT I definitely understand how it might not be everyone’s cup of tea because it’s pretty gruesome. Turns out the dude is a big fat liar at the end and actually knew things he pretended not to know, and the girl sweeps that under the rug and they carry on with their new happy life together. But fine.
I recently finished November 9. Basically, girl meets boy but is about to spread her wings and move across the country. The girl in question was injured in a fire two years prior and has disfiguring scars on part of her face and body. Her confidence is shit. The boy tells her she’s beautiful, and they spend a few exciting and passionate hours together before she gets on a plane and takes off for her new life. They agree to have no contact with each other but meet every year on November 9th, so they don’t distract each other from pursuing their goals. The boy is a writer, so he is tasked with writing the ultimate romance book about their relationship over these five years.
Duh, they fall madly in love with each other, and the years in between their visits are excruciating. There are twists and turns, family tragedies, and other relationships that threaten to throw a wrench in their happily ever after.
When they finally decide to cut the bullshit and just date, she discovers that he has omitted a very big truth: He started the fire that caused her disfiguring scars, and she has believed the whole time that her father was responsible because he spilled gasoline next to a car. He was 16 when his mother committed suicide, and through some bad detective work, he believed that the girl’s dad was somehow responsible because turns out he was romantically involved with his mother. In his teenage rage, he starts a fire that he intends to only consume a car, but since there is gasoline spilled nearby, and the car is in the DRIVEWAY, it consumes the whole house. Dad has forgotten (!!) that his daughter is upstairs.
The boy is guilt-stricken when he learns he injured someone and can’t stop thinking about it. When he happens upon the girl’s father two years later, he follows him because there may be a chance he will lead him to the girl he injured. Their meeting two years after the fire was part chance and part force. He overhears dad telling his daughter she’s too ugly to continue the acting career she previously had as he sits in an adjacent booth at a restaurant. He slides in and pretends that he’s her boyfriend and tells dad off. Thus, their super healthy relationship begins.
When the girl discovers who her one true love really is, she is big mad (as she should be). She leaves him heartbroken until a year later when he leaves his manuscript on her doorstep and she reads the whole story. All is forgiven and she is manipulated into believing that everyone is super innocent because they were only reacting to their own grief. In fact, she should really apologize (!!) and they live happily ever after. Oh and her dad isn’t so bad. The fire wasn’t really his fault. How could she blame him for FORGETTING ABOUT HER? After all, she texted him 12 whole hours before it happened, and he was grieving the loss of his supposed girlfriend. How could he remember?
November 9 is riddled with red flags from start to finish. When the two have just met, he attempts to find out the style and color of her undergarments, at which point she should have pepper sprayed him and run. The entire way through, no means yes to this guy. He tracks her down when she didn’t show up to meet him. It’s the classic pursuit until the pursued is worn down into agreement we were all taught was normal and even romantic because it’s in literally every 90s rom-com. And I love a rom-com, but harassment and stalking ain’t love. Furthermore, in so many of those movies we grew up with the man does something questionable at best, and criminal at worst that the woman has to forgive him for at the risk of being branded a heinous bitch – 10 Things I hate About You, You’ve Got Mail, 500 Days of Summer, She’s All That, and the list goes on…
I love these movies, you guys. They’re entertaining, and the guys have always fallen in love and regretted their bad actions, so come on, give them another chance. But in the year 2023, I watch these movies with more seasoned eyes, and I listen to the dialogue with more experienced ears, right down to the cop-out PMS jokes in 10 Things I Hate About You.
Women have always carried the emotional burden of men’s bad behavior. Boundaries aren’t strength; they’re a sign you’re an uptight shrew who will ultimately die sad and alone with a minimum of three cats. All the while men get to fuck around and find out they have no consequences and even get the girl.
The only consequence in any of the books I mentioned is a divorce, which is pretty minor considering all the ACTUAL CRIMES committed including attempted rape.
There is no punishment for ARSON in November 9. He was just sad. Good lord, tell me women are too emotional one more time. Instead, it’s the woman who has concluded that she has been overreacting the whole time for the man who nearly killed her AND the man who forgot about her and told her she was ugly.
But, they were entertaining and kept me turning the page. And an ending where relationships are mended is a happy one for some people. I can only hope that those people are critical thinkers who can understand that to like something doesn’t mean that you can’t be critical of it.
On the other hand, these books can be incredibly traumatizing, and thus, an absoloute no-way for someone who has been impacted by domestic violence.
As readers, whether you like Colleen Hoover’s books or not, I think it’s silly to attack someone personally for either opinion. I recognize the problems with these books, and I’m honestly not sure if I’ll pick up another Colleen Hoover book. I also get why they are enjoyable to read.
I don’t know if I believe that Colleen Hoover is the woman-hating antifeminist villain that many believe her to be. I think she’s just kind of a hack and little lazy, regurgitating endings we’ve seen before and finding the quickest path to an ending we have been conditioned to believe is happy. It is only through the deconstruction of our own conditioning that we realize that the “happy” ending is not necessarily so.
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