Our little bar has been open just over a year – a roller coaster of a year. If you had told me at the beginning of September 2021 that in one month, I would own a bar, I would have laughed. That’s how fast it happened. We weren’t looking for it. It was an opportunity that came our way that we knew we had to take.
I’m still no expert, and some days I have serious imposter syndrome. But I figured I’d share some things I’ve learned over the last year if you’re thinking about taking on a similar endeavor.
Have FOMO? This might not be for you.
We made a choice that we were going to give up a lot of our free time, leisure activities, and sleep. It was a conscious choice, but I think we have even been surprised at how drastic the change has been. I rarely meet friends for dinner or drinks or go to concerts like I used to. Usually, I have to sit out of family gatherings. We used to plan meals and find cool new recipes before our weekly grocery shopping trip. Now, in the rare event we have time for grocery shopping, we plan for meals that are simple and quick to prepare. I don’t say this to scare you out of pursuing a big dream. But it is important to know that life as you know it will absolutely change.
Get ready for unsolicited advice and opinions.
No need for a suggestion box. There will be a flood of opinions and feedback coming at you.
“You know what you should do?”
No, but I guess you’re the expert, so please tell me.
We took over a space that was a different bar just a couple months before we opened. Despite the fact that we rebranded and immediately started doing things differently than the previous owners, people still came in telling us what the old bar used to do that we should also do. At least 10 people brought up boiled peanuts – something one of the previous owners (WHO WAS FROM ALABAMA) made and sold. When we decided to make all of our SINGLE OCCUPANCY bathrooms gender-neutral, a few folks showed their unfortunate true colors.
Here’s the thing – this is yours. Claim it. Say “no” as much and as often as you want to. Or just nod and smile and thank them for the feedback. No one else is investing the time and the money. Sometimes people will have ideas and offer meaningful help. Be humble and accept the things you don’t know and could use help with, run with the ideas you like, and collaborate with people who can help you. Leave the rest behind. People smell inauthenticity. Stay true to your goals and the things you care about.
Also, Google reviews are stressful, which makes sense because your business is a reflection of you. There is only so much you can do to make everyone’s experience great. You can’t please everyone, and some people just like to complain. Give the bad reviews the attention they deserve, which in some cases will be none.
If you’re in it for money, you might be disappointed.
We have been open just over a year and to be honest, we’ve probably done as well as can be expected given that we opened just before COVID cases started to peak again and then Omicron arrived just a couple of months later. We’ve more-or-less broken even for the first year. Still, we both work day jobs we don’t like and most of the money we get from the bar is tips from bartending. Yes, that will change as we pay off our loan and some of our other expenses go down. But we’re playing the long game here, and in those first few months, we were terrified that we’d made a horrible mistake in doing this. If you build it they will come… in six months to a year.
It’s men. Yep. They’re the problem – it’s men.
That was cheesy. Sorry, not sorry. The point is misogyny still abounds. During the month we were preparing to open, the times that Harrison would get responses from vendors or our insurance guy after I reached out to accomplish the same thing to no avail were numerous. However, if it was a woman we were dealing with, I was able to accomplish things quickly ane with ease. Even now, women are drastically easier to work with – with the exception of our pretzel guy. That guy is the shit.
A couple of weeks ago, someone thanked Harrison for putting tampons in the bathrooms. Yeah – totally his idea. People have assumed that our male bar manager is the owner as I’m standing right there more times than I can count. Men will also continue to cross lines, say dumb things, and reduce you to ass and tits on the reg. A few weeks ago, one of our karaoke regulars told me I was “rocking those jeans tonight.” I take the environment in our space extremely seriously, especially for our patrons in marginalized groups, whether that be women, POC, LGBTQ, etc. The only people I’ve ever had to call out for their language or behavior are men. Take up space and assert your position. You control the environment and the behavior that is accepted and not accepted.
You will have experiences that you never expected – in a good way.
I didn’t expect such a strong community to form around our little bar or to actually make friends. But that is what’s happened. There are people we see several times a week that we’ve gotten to know and love. People come to us on their best days and their worst. We’ve seen people become parents, and experienced pet loss and pet adoption with our patrons. When one of our regulars who lived just a block away moved just about a 10-minute drive away, I didn’t expect to be as sad as I was. I even went on a weekend trip with one of our regulars.
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.
An endeavor like this is all-consuming. At times it feels like it’s taken over my entire identity as a person. While making time for some of the things I used to do may not always be in the cards. It’s still important to me to remember that there are other things that are important to me and that I care about. You’re sort of always on the clock as a business owner. There can be an emergency or something that needs to be addressed any time. In times of calm, it’s important to relax and take care of yourself. Maybe that means taking yourself out to dinner or staying home and watching that show you’ve been meaning to get to.
I’m continuing to learn every day. And I think that’s the most important thing I’ve taken away from this experience. Even if you have no idea what you’re doing, you can always learn. You just have to be open to trying things.
Bevvies and Books 
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